Girls Rule... Boys Drool

Marriage Counseling – Therapy Session #2
Setting: John and Jen are sitting on the couch, holding hands. The counselor approaches and takes his seat.

Counselor: Welcome back. How have things been going? Is there anything in particular on your minds today?

Jen (smiling radiantly): Actually. I have no complaints. Everything has been going great!

John (sarcastically): Everything is going great because you’re getting your way more often.

Jen (surprised): What does that mean?

John: I mean, we’re living by your rules.

Counselor: Rules?

John: You know, rules. As in, females make up the rules. And we, men, have to make a choice. Either we follow the rules they set or we live a more challenging life. You see, Jen is going to sit here and deny that she has any rules, but she doesn’t even know all the rules which she has created. She only becomes aware of them if I don’t follow them.

Counselor: Huh??

John: Okay. Number one. Jen is never wrong. That is, in her mind she is never wrong. But if she is wrong, she will justify it somehow by saying something like, “well, if you didn’t make me do so-and-so then it would never have happened”.

Jen: I really don’t know where this is coming from. Here I thought things were going great. What do you mean I make up all the rules? I’m never wrong? Well, if I was wrong then it was probably because of something you did that led me to my mistake.

John: See what I mean?

Jen: Besides, it’s a full-time job having to think for three people plus myself every…single…day.

John: Three people?

Jen: Yeah, three. Jasmyn, Jordan, and YOU!

John: Right on time. A perfect segway into Rule Number Two – Jen believes that she needs to do the thinking for me.

(At this point John and Jennifer have stopped holding hands and are now sitting on opposite ends of their chairs.)

John (takes a deep breath): And number three: Jen can get angry or upset for any reason at any time. Many times I don’t even have a clue as to why she’s angry or upset.

Jen: That’s so not true. Just because I don’t necessarily tell you as it happens, there is ALWAYS a reason for my being upset. It just takes me a little while to communicate, usually because you don’t want to hear it.

John: And again, she leads me to the next rule. The fourth and final rule, which is the most important rule of them all. I’m expected to read her mind at all times. Especially when she’s PMS-ing, pre-PMS-ing, post-PMS-ing; or whatever the cause for her craziness. If she’s never wrong, and I’m never right, then how could I ever read her mind and know that that’s what she really wants? Because, believe me, I’ve tried to read her mind, and I never get it right. If I shook a fortune-telling eight ball, the answer would probably be, “Better luck next time.”


Jen (exasperated): This is the perfect example of why John and I are always having these discussions. I always feel like I’m going around in circles with him because one minute I’m trying to tell him something, the next minute he completely forgets and I have to remind him of it, and then he’ll absolutely swear that I never mentioned it in the first place! And when I finally go bonkers having to remind him then he accuses me of nagging!

And as for these so-called rules. That’s fine, call it what you want. I simply look at them as a daily plan of action. If there was no structure in our lives then the house would inevitably fall apart leaving, who else but me, to pick up the pieces and retain some semblance of organization.

So, let me just take a stab at what I’m sure are my husband’s top three complaints in reference to my ‘rules’:

1) The Family calendar – every week, usually around Wednesday, I sit him down to go over the important things that need to be done that weekend (whether they are a birthday party, a dinner with friends, or a house project). It’s my way of insuring that he and I are on the same page for the next couple of days. He may whine and complain that I’m controlling that aspect of our lives but if you were to call him up to schedule something he would inevitably forget because he absolutely refuses to keep any kind of calendar around. Now that may work for a bachelor but, Hello!, we have kids now and (so sorry to say) but our lives revolve around them. He’s more than welcome to help me in planning things but so far he’s been content to let me run with the reigns.

2) Cleaning – I know this is his all time favorite. Here’s my thing: if we could only keep the house up during the week (small things here and there) then we wouldn’t have to dedicate an entire afternoon on the weekends to clean the whole house. Do a little here and there, save time and energy for when it really counts and have more quality time with the kids on our days off. Capiche?

3) And last, but not least, he stresses when I expect him home at a certain time every night after work. What can I say? I’d like for us to be able to sit down to dinner as a family on a consistent basis. Is it really too much to ask that my children be able to have at least one meal a day with their father each day? But get this, he hates when he gets home only to see them being carted off to bed. What’s a gal to do? Ya can’t have it both ways…y’know?

Counselor: Okay, so from what I’m hearing you both have very good and valid concerns. And these issues are very common in all marriages. However, what we all need to keep in mind is that men and women perceive and react differently to one another. The important thing is that the lines of communication stay open and that you each learn to pick which battles are most important to broach. Of course, every relationship has their own distinct set of ‘rules’ which the couple live by. These are yours, others have theirs; and there’s no way that you can compare it to another. There are no relationships without their own set of challenges. And, the best part of all (despite the friction) is that you never stop learning more about one another. But most importantly what matters most is that you WANT to keep learning more. And that, my friends, is the ONLY rule that should matter.

Our time is up – see you next time.

(Counselor then notices that John and Jennifer are once again holding hands)