The Question...
by Issa
You all know the question I mean right? Well any of you who have a child under one may not have heard it. The lovely, "when are you going to have another child." Oh, now you know right? For some reason that I've never understood, people start asking you the moment your first child turns one years old. You know, because on that day, they are miraculously grown enough for you to want to start over. And these people expect answers. They don't want to hear that you haven't thought about it or you don't know if you want another. No, they want a time line.
Now on the other side of that, if you are already pregnant by the time your first turns one, you are seen as a nut case. You know, one of those weirdos who doesn't know how this happens. People and their opinions. I've always wondered why they even care? Are they going to give birth for you? Are they going to diaper two kids or potty train your first one? Are they going to stay up nights with a newborn, only to be greeted at 6am by a toddler who is ready to play all day? Nopes, I didn't think so either. I mean, for Christ's sake, does it really matter if kids are two years apart in age? Do all kids have to be two years apart in age? Will they be less than human being if they are three or four or dare I say it, 8 years apart in age? I really doubt it.
Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, for the love of all things sane, please people stop asking moms this.
Thank you for your time.
Issa
You all know the question I mean right? Well any of you who have a child under one may not have heard it. The lovely, "when are you going to have another child." Oh, now you know right? For some reason that I've never understood, people start asking you the moment your first child turns one years old. You know, because on that day, they are miraculously grown enough for you to want to start over. And these people expect answers. They don't want to hear that you haven't thought about it or you don't know if you want another. No, they want a time line.
Now on the other side of that, if you are already pregnant by the time your first turns one, you are seen as a nut case. You know, one of those weirdos who doesn't know how this happens. People and their opinions. I've always wondered why they even care? Are they going to give birth for you? Are they going to diaper two kids or potty train your first one? Are they going to stay up nights with a newborn, only to be greeted at 6am by a toddler who is ready to play all day? Nopes, I didn't think so either. I mean, for Christ's sake, does it really matter if kids are two years apart in age? Do all kids have to be two years apart in age? Will they be less than human being if they are three or four or dare I say it, 8 years apart in age? I really doubt it.
Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, for the love of all things sane, please people stop asking moms this.
Thank you for your time.
Issa
Labels: Issa and Nick
posted by Jenn at 7:01 AM
17 Say it:
Heidi Klum and Britney Spears both had babies at the same time I did. Now they are both ready to deliver again. I can't help thinking "Are they crazy?!?" Actually, it's not even a question. They ARE crazy.
Three years is a nice spread.
Some friends of ours have their second child due in November and their first will be about 17 months. We think they're crazy, but everyone wants and can handle different things.
We're gonna wait another year or so before our second, SO STOP ASKING!!
I had people asking about 2nd Bun when the 1st Bun hadn't even finished baking yet. Hello? I could hardly get my head wrapped around ONE, at that point. Now that he is 10+ months old, I can think more clearly. Ahem.
Mike, You know I just wanted to give you a hard time. ;)
Minnehaha, I agree with you. Mine are a little over two and a half years apart. My next one....well who knows, but my youngest will be at least three by then. Probably more, cause we haven't decided when to have another yet.
I always hated that question because, in my limited experience, there was always a little undercurrent of pressure from certain people to have more kids. And if they would carry, it, give birth to it or at the very least, pay for it's college tuition and health insurance, I'd certainly consider having another but basically it's none of their fricken business.
This is a great site. So happy and excited for ya'll!
I am a cow: I totally ask.
When someone asked when I was having my next child, my response was, "Well, I guess nine months after I get pregnant."
Allee - Your answer made me laugh. Can I use it?
My kids are 16 YEARS apart. I get asked all the time why did you wait so long, is it the same husband, are you having more, blah, blah!!!!!!!!!!!!
I loved this post today! ;)
I have to admit I've asked people but I believe I have always phrased it as "do you want more?" as opposed to 'when'.
Don't know if that makes a difference. *shrugs*
I don't mind THAT question. What bothers me is when we answer, "We aren't having any more children." Then you get, "Why?" and "How could you do that to a child?"
A lady once told me that I needed to have another child b/c I couldn't leave my son alone to handle the funeral arrangements when my husband and I died."
Nice....
I remember (not SO many years ago, but 5 kids later and am empty nested) how being pregnant was some kind of an excuse for people to ask the most invasive, insensitive questions. The best answer's a non-answer, obviously, like "How about those Cubs (Red Sox, etc." or "Looks like rain, no?" Great site.
I remember (not SO many years ago, but 5 kids later and am empty nested) how being pregnant was some kind of an excuse for people to ask the most invasive, insensitive questions. The best answer's a non-answer, obviously, like "How about those Cubs (Red Sox, etc." or "Looks like rain, no?" Great site.
I have a similar issue with the question "when are you going to have kids?" Hubby and I have had infertility issues for the last couple of years, and that is a super hurtful question to get when you ARE trying. It's one thing if it's a friend, but when it is someone I barely know I really don't feel like going into detail about my infertility.
I think that people just don't understand how upsetting these types of questions can be until they are on the receiving end.
SPidey I have a friend in your position and that is also why it makes me cringe. But also my brother and his girlfriend have been togeather three years, they live togeather...but they aren't married. At the two year mark, people started hounding them. I just don't think it is the nicest thing.
Oh, THE question. Yeah. Personally, it made me want to up-the-anty in my race to be like the Jones's (you know THAT race, right?). But that was a few years ago. By the time we were preggers with baby #2 I'd gotten over it and was rather happy that we'd waited. Now, in hindsight, I kind of wish we'd waited another year. But I guess no matter what the age range it's always going to be tough in the beginning.
Wanna know the crazy part? Now people ask when we'll be having #3!! Yikes!
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