The Question...
by Nick
My wife feels strongly about this. I could care less. Every time someone asked us when we were having another, I thought it was cool. It means they care. It means they are curious. It means they want to buy you more things. It also means they think you are doing such a great job raising the cutest little girl, or boy I guess, in the world. What else are they going to ask you? When you are dating, people ask when you are getting married. It not that their being pests, they just are curious. Curiosity never killed no one. Except a cat. But who cares about cats? I don't, that's for sure.
Once you get married, they are of course curious about when you will have kids. Not everyone has kids and they get that, but they still want to know either way. It's just human nature. If you say, no we;re not, then they want to know why. Not to judge, just to make sure it's not because you don't like them. If you don't like kids, they want to know, so they don't leave theirs to you in their will. It is that simple. Once they know that you are having kids, they want to know the names. Don't tell them is my choice. Just because you won't want to hear what they think about it. If you want to name your kid Abnus, please don't tell me, I will laugh at you. If you tell me your kid is Abnus after it is born, I will tell you it has pretty eyes.
It is all just curiosity. I love to ask people when they are having another kid. It makes Issa hit me, but it's worth it. So really, Jenn and Mike, when are you having another? Inquiring minds want to know. Thanks.
Nick
My wife feels strongly about this. I could care less. Every time someone asked us when we were having another, I thought it was cool. It means they care. It means they are curious. It means they want to buy you more things. It also means they think you are doing such a great job raising the cutest little girl, or boy I guess, in the world. What else are they going to ask you? When you are dating, people ask when you are getting married. It not that their being pests, they just are curious. Curiosity never killed no one. Except a cat. But who cares about cats? I don't, that's for sure.
Once you get married, they are of course curious about when you will have kids. Not everyone has kids and they get that, but they still want to know either way. It's just human nature. If you say, no we;re not, then they want to know why. Not to judge, just to make sure it's not because you don't like them. If you don't like kids, they want to know, so they don't leave theirs to you in their will. It is that simple. Once they know that you are having kids, they want to know the names. Don't tell them is my choice. Just because you won't want to hear what they think about it. If you want to name your kid Abnus, please don't tell me, I will laugh at you. If you tell me your kid is Abnus after it is born, I will tell you it has pretty eyes.
It is all just curiosity. I love to ask people when they are having another kid. It makes Issa hit me, but it's worth it. So really, Jenn and Mike, when are you having another? Inquiring minds want to know. Thanks.
Nick
Labels: Issa and Nick
posted by Jenn at 7:00 AM
11 Say it:
I'm with you. It's human nature. You can call it nosiness, if you like, but it's not malicious. Why read all sorts of ulterior motives into a simple question? "Are you going to have more" means just that, and you answer it with the truth, even if the truth is "I don't know," or "Oh, GOD, no!" Or anything in between.
People will want to know why, whatever you answer - because they're interested. Any why shouldn't they be? People are interesting!
-laura
Yeah, tick-tock Jenn. Times a wastin'.
Cats are nice.
I don't find it as annoying as Issa, but still a little annoying. I just make sure I have an answer rehearsed in my head for the question. I give it, and they shut up. So, Nick....here's my answer so you can shut up:
Mike wants 2, I want 3, if we get 2 girls we'll try for a boy, if we get one of each, we wont. We are going to start trying again around the begining of next year.
Whether it's all true or not, *shrug* who knows....but after I rattle all that off....people just go....oh. ok.
nick- cats suck! woo hoo!
I agree. It's just curiosity. Most people have good intentions. Just shrug it off if it bothers you.
Mine are 20 months apart, 30 months apart, 35 months apart, and these last ones will be over 7 years younger!! Every family is different. Don't give in to the pressure. Just do what is right for you.
At the risk of sucking the fun out of the conversation, I have a different viewpoint.
Although it may not seem malicious, that question can be extremely hurtful to the MANY people experiencing infertility issues and/or recurrent miscarriages. When this is you it is not easy in the least to shrug it off.
If you make a habit of asking this question, I assure you that you've hurt someone in doing so.
Your absolutely right Anonymous, and it makes me cringe sometimes when I know that is the case and I hear people ask the dreaded question. Definately a good point.
Seems the older my daughter gets, the more often I get asked!
Doesn't bother me now, but that could change as time goes on!
I will tell you all that Nick rarely asks people. He just didn't mind it being asked of us. Also now that we are talking about when to have a 3rd, people wonder why we'd want more than two.
I usually don't ask other people unless I know them and their situation really well. And even then, it's not on my list. But, when someone asks me something that might seem offensive to me, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, and assume they mean well. I try my best NOT to be offended, and to attribute good intentions to them.
People generally like kids. They often get excited when someone they know is having kids. If you don't know when you will have more (and who really knows, anyway?), say, "I don't know." Or change the subject. Or say "Why do you ask?" That one usually gets to the real reason they are asking, or shuts them up.
But don't think ill of them for asking. They mean no harm, and are asking because they think it's a cool thing to have kids, and to them it is just something fun to talk about.
I agree, it's 'polite-talk', a way for others to be interested and what-not. Most of the time it's no big deal; at other times, it can be a touchy subject. It's not their fault, though. I guess most people feel that saying something is better than not saying anything at all when it comes to being around kids.
I like your point about baby names, though. I think you're onto something about people having an opinion about names before the baby's born vs. the compliment you get once they're actually here. It's pretty funny that way...
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