The Voices in my Head

Mike Said: So last week, I scheduled to go on a off-site meeting from Wednesday to Friday, leaving Jenn home with both kids alone overnight for the first time. I was feeling guilty about it and almost decided to drive back every night to help her. I was especially concerned about how Allie would handle me not being there for so long. I've been putting her to bed almost every night for a few months now and didn't want Jenn to have a hard time with her and also dealing with Luke. Also, how would Jenn be able to get the three of them out of the house in time for day-care?!? Normally she can't get herself out of the house on time, much less get a 2 year old and a 4 week old also!

Jenn was great about it and said that she wanted me to go and not worry (which I knew she meant), but I would have said the same to her if the roles were reversed and still been a little worried about how things would go. We worked out having my mother come on Wednesday night and her mom Thursday. I went, but was concerned how things would really go.

Jenn Said: Here is where I vary between turning into my mother, and trying to be the complete opposite of her at the same time. At first look the correct answer to this would be:

Awwwww thanks for being so worried about me, babe.
Awwwww thanks for getting me help, babe.
Awwwww thanks for offering to come home at night babe but I'll
be ok.

except why did I have this feeling in me like:

What do you think I'm a hack? I can handle it! Sheesh.
What are you trying to say? I'm not a good mother? I can't handle
shit? Like I NEED you or I'm a total wreck??? huh? Huh? HUH?
if it was YOU staying home would YOU need my mother and/or your mother
to come and help you? I doubt it!

I try real hard to keep that destructive voice inside and not let it out. Especially since I kinda LIKE having help and am not a big fan of handling and doing everything myself. Turns out having my mother in law and mother come by and help me at night was nice, and did help. Of course I COULD have done it alone.....but I guess no need to be a hero, right?

Memories

Brandi

It’s a good thing Maniacal Jenn reminded me it was our turn because let me say, I’ve had a week. My dogs ate brownies (if you don’t have dogs you don’t know that it’s a bad thing), then one of my dogs snagged her dew claw on something and all I can say is bloody paw print on my kitchen counter. All of this required medical attention. Thank goodness Ethan’s sister is a vet tech. Then it rained for 2 days which meant no outside play. The toddler is all about outside play. We also dis-enrolled from the toddler gym class cuz the teacher was a big fat meany. To add to that, I’m planning a two year old’s birthday party for family and friends, followed by a playgroup party here at the house a week later. The whole birthday thing leads me/us to the topic for our blog (my pick again—and a surprise to Ethan until I hand him the laptop). Ryan turns 2 on Nov. 1 and that has really got me to thinking back about the last two years so I thought I would share some memories. Once its his turn, Ethan is not allowed to say I stole any of his memories.

*The first time I saw Ethan hold his son
*Even though Ethan was adamant we would never have a child in our bed, the first night in the hospital he wouldn’t let Ryan sleep in the bassinette, even though we were both inches away. He kept saying “he’s so small.” Same thing happened when we got home.
*Claiming to not know where the baby stuff was, Ethan used dish towels as bibs and blankets
*Friday nights: for a few months, Ethan would take Ryan and sleep on the couch. This meant I got the room to myself, and I could sleep! Those short months were the only time I got more than 2hrs of consecutive sleep in a year. As far as my memory goes back, it’s the only time my head hit the pillow and I fell right to sleep.
*The first time Ethan took Ryan out of the house alone
*Ryan crawling on the 4th of July
*How great Ryan was in the car
*When Ryan started napping on his own (5 months old)
*Trying to remember if I brushed my teeth
*Being so tired that I didn’t even care that Ethan was watching UFC
*When Ryan crawled over to my mom’s couch and pulled up like he had been doing it forever
*His drooly smile
*When Ethan and I went to see “Walk the Line” and had dinner—it was our first time out and even though Ryan was with my mom, I was so nervous
*When Ryan had jaundice and Ethan couldn’t watch them draw blood from his foot so I had to be the strong mommy but I was dieing inside
*Ethan sitting at the computer with Ryan in his lap
*Going to the pumpkin patch when I was 9m pregnant and going back the next year with Ryan
*The look on Ryan’s face this morning when he saw his train table
*Ryan jumping on his trampoline
*The way Ryan smiles when his daddy comes home from work

Ethan

First off I can too complain that you stole some of my ideas…you should have had a list size limit. Here we go:

· A baby shower for me, at work, with all the girls going ooh and ahh while I opened gifts in front of them like blankets, socks, and bottles
· Man he was small, I am still impressed we have kept him alive this long
· Not knowing where the bibs or blankets were and using dish towels instead
· Trying to play video games on Friday nights while Bran slept and I rocked him in his seat with my foot
· Nikki (dog) sleeping outside his door while he slept
· Nikki also just hiding under our bed whenever he was crying
· Falling asleep on the couch with him asleep on my chest
· Ryan running up to every dog he sees to pet them
· The first time I saw him run full speed into his ball pit and he tumbled in laughing the whole way
· Ryan getting excited and saying, “Oh wooow” and “Oh yeah yeah yeah” every time he sees a truck or tractor
· Walking to the community park every Saturday morning while Bran sleeps in and going for a cold 7AM swim with the boy
· Walking downstairs every morning he runs to the window points at my truck and gets excited, watches when I leave for work, and then when I get home he has to go play in the truck or else.
· The smile on his face when he “gives mommy loves” at night

So there you go. Let’s hope I can keep it together this year because at his first birthday I had to fight back tears when we sang “Happy Birthday.”

Get A Clue!

This week's (late) edition of DSMS will be told solely from Jen's point of view due to her 'condition'. John's version will be open for discussion at a, um, later date (when Jen's calendar frees up).

Last week I wrote to tell you all about this.

Then, this past Friday night played out as follows:
"Let's go!" I yell from the open garage door into the kitchen where he's standing casually choppin' it up with my folks. (Hint: clue #1)
"Man, are you rude!" he remarks as he buckles his seatbelt while I peel out of the driveway.
I look over my shoulder and nonchalantly reply, "Uh-huh."
He gives me the once over. "What's wrong with you?" he begins. "Ever since we got home you've been buzzing around barking orders and all. It's like being in the military, and here I am looking forward to...Whoa!" he almost screams, "Jen! WTF! You just went through a red light!"
"It was a yellow when I entered the intersection." I reply not even breaking a sweat. (Hint: clue #2)
He double checks his seatbelt. And then, "Seriously, dude. You've gotta chill out. We're on a date night. We're s'posed to be taking our time and enjoying the evening." "We're...yeeeowwwww!" he yells as I squeeze us between two big rigs in order to pass a barely-moving car in front of us.
"Jen! Are you even listening to me?"
I'm not actually, I'm focusing on the road trying not to get us killed, all the while focusing on just one thought.
"Hey!" he yells again. "What's going on with you? It's like you've got blinders on. You haven't acknowledged a thing I've said, and you're driving like a maniac. Look," he waves his hand sarcastically out the window, "those are traffic lights, and there are other people on the road besides us, y'know. Get a clue already!"
It took all my willpower not to pull over and kick his ass to the curb. But there was something within me burning stronger -- a void that needed immediate filling. Still, though, something had to be said. I just couldn't take it anymore.
"We were supposed to be out of the house way before seven o'clock but you had to schmooze it up with my folks. Now it's 7:15 and we're nowhere even near where we're supposed to be!"
He looks at me blankly as if I've just spoken in a foreign language.
*sigh* "I'M CRANKY. I'VE HAD A LOOOONG WEEK. I'M PMS-ing. AND MY BOOBS HURT!!!!!!" (Hint: clue #3)
And then, like the mathematician studying a formula; like the monkey in a test group; like a moth to a flame (burned by the fire) -- it dawns on him.
"Honey?" he begins.
I glare at him once again, doing 50 in a 35.
"Are you hungry?" he finishes.
"What gave you a fuckin' clue, Genius???!"

The day before #2

Jenn Says:

Things I'm Scared of:

1. Getting the spinal. I hate the feeling of being numb and not being able to move my legs if I need to. I always feel like I'm going to move at the wrong second or he's gonna miss.
2. Surgery in general is scary. Last time both Allie and My heart rate started to go down when they couldn't get her out. Hopefully things go smoother this time.
3. Not being home with Allie for 4 days =o( I've only been without her over night once since she's born.
4. Fighting with Mike because we aren't getting enough sleep.
5. Allie acting out when the baby comes and me not having the patients to deal with her.
6. Allie waking up every time the baby wakes up.
7. The after c-section pain.
8. Not being able to put Allie in the crib for naps due to my lifting restriction and having her decide that napping is overrated anyway, and that being it.....nap over!
9. Getting Post Pardum Depression, it could happen to anyone.
10. Breastfeeding not working, or me not being able to hack it.
11. Having a baby with Colic.

Things I'm going to miss about having only one:

1. Being able to just throw a diaper and a cup in my pocketbook and run to the store.
2. Giving Allie my undivided attention.
3. Being able to just drop Allie off for someone to take care of her like it's no big deal. Asking for someone to watch two is much harder.
4. Less toys.
5. Having nap time to myself.
6. Easier to trek one around for visits to friends houses, parties, and everywhere else.

Things I'm not going to miss about being pregnant:

1. Being assaulted from the inside out.
2. Carrying around an extra 40 pounds.
3. Swollen feet.
4. Going to the bathroom 3 times a night.
5. Not being able to drink.
6. Not feeling sexy....at all!
7. Not having a normal sex life.
8. Having clothes that fit me again, or having a waist again.

Things I'm looking so forward to, and I can't wait for:

1. Getting to see what he looks like.
2. That baby smell.
3. Those nights alone in the hospital in the middle of the night when it's just me and him.
4. Getting to see what Allie thinks of him.
5. Watching them interact with each other.
6. The first time they giggle together.
7. Little tiny baby clothes, and BOY clothes none the less! I love little boy clothes.
8. Having a Mama's boy just like Mike has a Daddy's girl.
9. Being able to stay home with both kids and be a part of everything they do, no matter how long it ends up lasting.
10. Did I mention the normal sex life part already?

Mike says:

Things I’m scared of:

1. Not being able to cover the bills on one salary (if that’s what happens)
2. Being sure to still give Allie the attention she should get after Luke is here.
3. Loosing my mind after not sleeping for weeks.
4. Having little or no alone time for Jenn and me.

Things I'm going to miss about having only one:

1. Being able to devote my free time to Allie.
2. Knowing that after Allie’s asleep I can relax (this is only temporary anyway)
3. Having a real office in the house.
4. Having a fun car, and not a family mobile.
5. Having two steady incomes.
6. Knowing that diapers were closer to being over.

Things I'm not going to miss about Jenn being pregnant:

1. The middle of the night bathroom trips.
2. Having to help her get up out of bed, sofa’s, etc.
3. Agreeing on what his name should be; the circumcision conversation, and everything that goes along with preparing for Luke to arrive.

Things I'm looking forward to, and I can't wait for:

1. Watching Luke and Allie interact.
2. Taking both of them to Yankee Stadium (even if it is the new one)
3. Having a little man around the house with me.
4. For him to be old enough to mow the lawn!
5. Learning from some of the mistakes with Allie (like teaching Luke at a younger age to fall asleep on his own.
6. Spending time as a family and having Jenn be able to run around the yard, or the park with both kids.
7. Not having to possibly do the whole formula/bottle thing again. (all the extra bottle parts to clean and the water that needs to be boiled every night for the formula)
   
   
8. Getting our sex life back!!!!!

Brandi and Ethan's First Blog

**Check out Brandi and Ethan's Bio here ---> "Who are all these people?"**

Preface: September 6, 2007

Brandi: FYI, our first blog is due 9/14 so we’ll have to work on it the night before. Any ideas for a topic?
Ethan: Cars
Brandi: NO
Ethan: Star Wars
Brandi: NO
Ethan: Lasers
Brandi: No, it’s Dad Said, Mom Said. It should be a family related topic.
Ethan: I got nothing.

Thursday night, 9/13/07

Ethan: Can you spreadsheet a blog?
Brandi: NO
Ethan: How many times are we doing this again?
Brandi: About once a month
Ethan: Because I think I can write a program to automate this
Brandi: OMG. We’re going to talk about how we miss our TV shows and we’re tired of re-runs and I’m only picking this because we’re watching some guy on Globe Trekker take a bath in a pool with another dude in Mexico and its not entertaining.
Ethan: I just want to make sure Battlestar Gallactica makes it into this discussion because it’s the single most important show on television right now and I want to give a shout out to whoever is looking forward to the new season like I am
(at this time I would like to point out the only blog I read is my wife’s and I hope I’m doing this right)
Brandi: Duly noted, but I hate Battlestar and please don’t anyone else say they watch it.
(pause: Ethan just opened his new car cover and he is enthralled).
Ok. Well, I miss The Office, Scrubs, My Name is Earl and Without a Trace. But in this time of re-runs I’ve found some new shows on BBC America that I love. You have to watch How Clean Is Your House? and You Are What You Eat. I am also a big fan of Clean House on the Style network and I can pretty much watch anything on HGTV, even re-runs.
Ethan: I can’t stand any of the shows you watch on HGTV or Style. I don’t mind How Clean Is Your House because it makes me feel our house isn’t messy, and I like trying to understand English accents.
Brandi: I usually have to translate for you, but whatever.
Ethan: Don’t forget I love Funniest Home Videos.
Brandi: That show sucks. Could be the worst show on TV.
Anything else you want to say about TV?
Ethan: I want a bigger TV without fingerprints.
Brandi: SHOWS. TV Shows. You are so literal it drives me crazy.
We’re done.

Thanks for letting us join the group, even though my name isn’t some form of Jenn!

ch ch ch changes

jennster says...
there are lots of changes going on in the ster/dot household. i recently got promoted at work and i've been so busy that i think that my head constantly spins on my shoulders. boyfriend and i are house hunting.. so are me and my husband. :) okay, we were house hunting. we've somewhat decided to put that plan on hold for the moment..... BUT, i feel good about it. not sure how he feels. to me, it seems like it's just better if we wait. there is no rush to buy a house right this very second- and i'd much rather wait for the right one to come along.

speaking of the right one, wanna know what pisses me off? when people (and by people i mean EVERY SINGLE PERSON) tells me that "your first home is never your dream house." okay, it may not be my dream house, but does that mean i have to settle for a house i can't stand?! i just hate people telling me what they think my house should be like. what if i do get close to my dream house my first time? why is this such a fucking impossibility? all it does is make me want to get an awesome house even more. you know what i mean?!?! i get it that the reality is that most people don't get perfect houses the first time they buy- but it still annoys me to no end to hear people remind me of that.... and even more, to hear people TELL ME that that is what WILL happen to us. how the hell do they know what will happen to us? just cause they bought a dump their first time around doesn't mean that's what we'll do. everyone can just shove their negative crap up right back up their ass where it belongs.

dot says:
i second what other people say and telling us what we should do or where we should do it. i personally could give 2 shits if its a dream house or not. i like fixing stuff and making it personal. i like the idea of having to do a bunch of home customizations.

I understand why we are on hold for house hunting. even though i would move tomorrow just for the reason of telling our landlord to kiss my ass. if the right house at the right price comes up then i want to go for it but going to that town every weekend is annoying and i am glad we are putting that off for a while.

But most importantly im trying to buy a 5.0 mustang. and every one i have gone to see off craigslist has been a total POS. i mean missing door locks.....as in a hole in the door where you put your keys. i wish someone would just put what it was instead of trying to get someone to see it but lying to them to get there.

jennster says:
please don't get me started on this car you suddenly MUST HAVE and no other car in the world will do. thanks.

Predictability

The following discussion is based on actual events. The characters depicted represent themselves and are, in no way, playing nice with one another.

Jen: (Monday morning) "Honey? Just a reminder that this Friday our post is up for 'Dad Said, Mom Said'."
John: "Awww, man! Great."
Jen: "That sounded a bit sarcastic. What's wrong with you?"
John: "It's just that every time it's our turn to create a post, we sit down to think of a topic but the end result is me sleeping on the couch."
Jen: "What??! What the hell are you talking about?"
John: (sigh) "Okay. You're the blogger in the family and are the creative-half between us. So you want to write about somethig that's gonna catch everyone's attention. So somethimes we decide to be a bit edgy and ask one another 'what have we been disagreeing about lately?' and I think to myself 'Well, there's our first mistake'. We're opening up a conversation that we obviously disagreed about and most likely argued about. But now we're reopening the argument so that we can bring it back to life and argue about it some more. What this leads to is us getting re-pissed off at each other which, in turn, leads to me sleeping on the couch and you going to bed alone."
Jen: (becoming a little annoyed) "So, what exactly are you saying? That it's not okay to disagree?"
John: "No, that's not what I'm saying at all! It's okay to disagree, in fact, it's healthy to disagree. But what I'm saying is that with our lives the way they are -- moving in with your folks, you and your crazy periods, and dealing with the kids and becoming exhausted from dealing with the kids -- that leaves roughly 2.2 days of any time I might hope to be intimate and spend time with you. And for some reason, it's like the planets and their moons align just right, our turn comes up to post during the week of those 2.2 days. And you know what happens then?
Jen: (sarcastically) "I'm sitting on the edge of my seat."
John: "Smartass. I'll tell ya what happens. We spend two days arguing..."
Jen: "We don't 'argue' about it!!"
John: "Okay. *shrug* So we spend two days 'disagreeing' about what we're to post, and the night before (that's the .2 part of the equation) drafting it! Then we both go to bed pissed off at one another."
Jen: "That's just about the most absurd thing I have ever heard! Honestly! You're blowing this waaaay out of proportion."
John: "Oh yeah? So, how about after we post this we sneak upstairs, get naked, and get some lovin' on?"
Jen: "Fuck you. I'm going to bed. Don't even think about coming in there asking for any."
John: (slight smile on his face) "Yup, that one was right on the money."
Then, calling to Jen, "Hey Honey? Throw me down my pillow, would ya?"