The Voices in my Head

Mike Said: So last week, I scheduled to go on a off-site meeting from Wednesday to Friday, leaving Jenn home with both kids alone overnight for the first time. I was feeling guilty about it and almost decided to drive back every night to help her. I was especially concerned about how Allie would handle me not being there for so long. I've been putting her to bed almost every night for a few months now and didn't want Jenn to have a hard time with her and also dealing with Luke. Also, how would Jenn be able to get the three of them out of the house in time for day-care?!? Normally she can't get herself out of the house on time, much less get a 2 year old and a 4 week old also!

Jenn was great about it and said that she wanted me to go and not worry (which I knew she meant), but I would have said the same to her if the roles were reversed and still been a little worried about how things would go. We worked out having my mother come on Wednesday night and her mom Thursday. I went, but was concerned how things would really go.

Jenn Said: Here is where I vary between turning into my mother, and trying to be the complete opposite of her at the same time. At first look the correct answer to this would be:

Awwwww thanks for being so worried about me, babe.
Awwwww thanks for getting me help, babe.
Awwwww thanks for offering to come home at night babe but I'll
be ok.

except why did I have this feeling in me like:

What do you think I'm a hack? I can handle it! Sheesh.
What are you trying to say? I'm not a good mother? I can't handle
shit? Like I NEED you or I'm a total wreck??? huh? Huh? HUH?
if it was YOU staying home would YOU need my mother and/or your mother
to come and help you? I doubt it!

I try real hard to keep that destructive voice inside and not let it out. Especially since I kinda LIKE having help and am not a big fan of handling and doing everything myself. Turns out having my mother in law and mother come by and help me at night was nice, and did help. Of course I COULD have done it alone.....but I guess no need to be a hero, right?

The day before #2

Jenn Says:

Things I'm Scared of:

1. Getting the spinal. I hate the feeling of being numb and not being able to move my legs if I need to. I always feel like I'm going to move at the wrong second or he's gonna miss.
2. Surgery in general is scary. Last time both Allie and My heart rate started to go down when they couldn't get her out. Hopefully things go smoother this time.
3. Not being home with Allie for 4 days =o( I've only been without her over night once since she's born.
4. Fighting with Mike because we aren't getting enough sleep.
5. Allie acting out when the baby comes and me not having the patients to deal with her.
6. Allie waking up every time the baby wakes up.
7. The after c-section pain.
8. Not being able to put Allie in the crib for naps due to my lifting restriction and having her decide that napping is overrated anyway, and that being it.....nap over!
9. Getting Post Pardum Depression, it could happen to anyone.
10. Breastfeeding not working, or me not being able to hack it.
11. Having a baby with Colic.

Things I'm going to miss about having only one:

1. Being able to just throw a diaper and a cup in my pocketbook and run to the store.
2. Giving Allie my undivided attention.
3. Being able to just drop Allie off for someone to take care of her like it's no big deal. Asking for someone to watch two is much harder.
4. Less toys.
5. Having nap time to myself.
6. Easier to trek one around for visits to friends houses, parties, and everywhere else.

Things I'm not going to miss about being pregnant:

1. Being assaulted from the inside out.
2. Carrying around an extra 40 pounds.
3. Swollen feet.
4. Going to the bathroom 3 times a night.
5. Not being able to drink.
6. Not feeling sexy....at all!
7. Not having a normal sex life.
8. Having clothes that fit me again, or having a waist again.

Things I'm looking so forward to, and I can't wait for:

1. Getting to see what he looks like.
2. That baby smell.
3. Those nights alone in the hospital in the middle of the night when it's just me and him.
4. Getting to see what Allie thinks of him.
5. Watching them interact with each other.
6. The first time they giggle together.
7. Little tiny baby clothes, and BOY clothes none the less! I love little boy clothes.
8. Having a Mama's boy just like Mike has a Daddy's girl.
9. Being able to stay home with both kids and be a part of everything they do, no matter how long it ends up lasting.
10. Did I mention the normal sex life part already?

Mike says:

Things I’m scared of:

1. Not being able to cover the bills on one salary (if that’s what happens)
2. Being sure to still give Allie the attention she should get after Luke is here.
3. Loosing my mind after not sleeping for weeks.
4. Having little or no alone time for Jenn and me.

Things I'm going to miss about having only one:

1. Being able to devote my free time to Allie.
2. Knowing that after Allie’s asleep I can relax (this is only temporary anyway)
3. Having a real office in the house.
4. Having a fun car, and not a family mobile.
5. Having two steady incomes.
6. Knowing that diapers were closer to being over.

Things I'm not going to miss about Jenn being pregnant:

1. The middle of the night bathroom trips.
2. Having to help her get up out of bed, sofa’s, etc.
3. Agreeing on what his name should be; the circumcision conversation, and everything that goes along with preparing for Luke to arrive.

Things I'm looking forward to, and I can't wait for:

1. Watching Luke and Allie interact.
2. Taking both of them to Yankee Stadium (even if it is the new one)
3. Having a little man around the house with me.
4. For him to be old enough to mow the lawn!
5. Learning from some of the mistakes with Allie (like teaching Luke at a younger age to fall asleep on his own.
6. Spending time as a family and having Jenn be able to run around the yard, or the park with both kids.
7. Not having to possibly do the whole formula/bottle thing again. (all the extra bottle parts to clean and the water that needs to be boiled every night for the formula)
   
   
8. Getting our sex life back!!!!!

Daddy's Little Girl (as if she had a choice)

Jenn Said:
This third trimester is kicking my ass. I haven’t posted in weeks (maybe even a month) I hate my job, I’m a total emotional wreck, I’m in a ton of pain, and I’m feeling a bit guilty that I’ve been hangin a bit on Mike for support with Allie. The baby isn’t even here yet and I’m not able to play with her like I want, or put her to bed every night, or any of the other million things that I want to do with her. This is supposed to be the calm before the storm where I spend as much alone time with Allie as I can because it will never be the same for her again, and I can’t. And Allie is showing it too. She’s back to wanting Mike most of the time and not me. Of course, being that emotional wreck I mentioned before isn’t helping in this situation. Not only that, but once the baby is born I’m going to really have to hang heavily on Mike for support. Especially with a c-section it’s gonna be really hard until I’m healed. I’m afraid that, as strong and as wonderful as Mike is that he’s gonna crack under the pressure a bit. *cringe*

Mike Said:
Yes, Jenn has been uncomfortable for months now. I can see it all taking an toll on her. I'm not going to lie. It's going to be rough going for a while. I'm going to have to help Jenn do even the simplest things that she could normally do for herself. I remember how much trouble she had after she had Allie, and this is going to be even tougher. I feel badly for her and am doing whatever I can to make things easier on her, but already I only have about 45 min to an hour for me every day. There are times when I know Jenn really can't help, and I don't resent her for it at all, but I start to lose my patience and can't really walk away for a second. I just have to force myself to stay calm during the situation. I try not to take it out on Jenn, but sometimes it happens. I always acknowledge that I'm doing it right after and say I'm sorry. I have some things to do in the house still to get it it ready for Luke, but have no time. Hopefully I'll figure it out soon, cause his room is no where near ready.

Regardless, I know we'll get thru it. It's just going to be an adjustment period

Jenn Said:
THEN, as I continue to complain, I go to pick up Allie from school the other day and they tell me that they had a child that was diagnosed with the Coxackie Virus. Which apparently could be no big deal to Allie but could be a potential big deal for me and/or Luke. Supposedly there are some studies that if I get the virus I can pass it through the placenta and give it to Luke. He could get any number of things from it including but not limited to Viral Meningitis. WONDERFUL!!! 3 days later Allie has a fever. *sigh* So now, I have to what? Stay away from her as much as possible? Great, thanks, cause I wasn't having that problem AS IS!!!! Then, Mike tells me he doesn't feel well either. So I get the pleasure of telling him: "Gee babe, I know your not feeling well but you need to change Allie's diaper, and put her to bed, and play with her, and wipe her nose, even MORE than you normally do, cause I can't be in contact with her just in case.

Seriously, we must be the perfect match, cause if we're not fighting over stuff these last couple of months....I really think we could get through anything.

*fingers crossed it stays that way for the next couple of months*

I guess this isn't as much of a dad said mom said post as a bitch session from the two of us.....but hey....it's what's going on over here at the Maniacal Household.

Chalk it up to Preference

Mike Said:

So this past weekend, I began the process of preparing for the "little man" to show up. You see, we can't do the baby's room over yet because it's currently the office. The office needs to move downstairs into the family room (which is in the basement), and the play area in the family room needs to be moved into the 4th bedroom (also in the basement). So my friend and I repainted the family room (walls & ceilings), ripped up the carpet, and put down new tiles to brighten the room. Now that's done, I can move the office down and the play room can be made.

NOW.............here comes the hard part; painting the play room. I bought some multicolored interlocking foam blocks to cover the entire floor with (which Jenn and I agreed on), but she wants to paint one wall in the playroom with that "chalk board" paint that allows kids to write on the walls, and then have it be erased. I have a problem with this. It's not that I don't want the kids to have fun in there, but teaching them to write on the walls is not exactly what I think is a smart move. Allie will only be two years old in October and doesn't understand all the rules of the world yet. What's to say that she won't start writing on ALL of the walls? How can I yell at her if she can write on the walls in that one room? Or worse yet, how do you say to a two year old, "OK, you see this 5' x 8' section of wall next to the window? Well you can write on this section, but no where else? OK?" She'll nod and then proceed to write on the wall anywhere she wants anyway.

OK, babe.......................start beating me up now. I know I'm going to end up losing this argument anyway.

Jenn Said:

First of all we're talking about CHALK. It's not like she gonna be drawing with permanent magic marker on the walls. Second, where ELSE do chalk boards normally go? When you see a chalkboard in a school, where is it? It's on the wall!! Even if she gets a bit of chalk on the walls in the beginning when she's too young to know any better, is it a huge deal? It comes right off with water! IT'S CHALK!

I was already told that there was no way in HELL that we could put it on the big wall in the play room (even though that's the best place for it) because *GASP* "You can see it from the family room!" And OMG what would people think if they saw a wall with chalk on it in a play room.?!?!? I mean we must be savages allowing our children to act that way! *please read the RIDICULOUS sarcasm!*

Tell me, how is it different if we bought a piece of plywood and made a chalk board that hung on the wall instead? In fact, if that makes it easier for you to do, then fine. I know you say I'm too easy going and things like that don't bother me, but seriously, I don't even understand the reason for this debate. Think about this, we let her put stickers up on a part of her wall in her bedroom, right? And she didn't start putting stickers everywhere in the house, right? She knows that they go in that one spot. Plus we only buy those stickers that fall off eventually anyway. So, how is that different than chalk? I mean look how cute this looks?

Mike Said:

Stickers are never permanent anyway! That has nothing to do with this. Besides,what makes you think that she's not going to use pen on the walls?

I don't even know why I try to express my opinion, I'm going to get overruled anyway.

Jenn Said:
Stop saying that!!!! We don't do that, we discuss things and come up with a decision. If your totally against it and would rather buy a chalk board or an easel then we will. I just want to talk about it. See now your making me feel bad. I just really don't get the problem. As far as the stickers, it has to do with the fact that she has the ability to understand that certain things are done in certain places.

Mike Said:
I'd rather buy an easel. That's a fair compromise.

Jenn Said:
How about we buy a piece of wood and some chalk board paint and make a chalkboard and hang it on the wall. The big wall! I think THAT is a fair compromise. Plus then we don't have to worry about the chair rail being in the way.

Mike Said:

Why not just BUY a chalk board then?

Jenn Said:
Cause it's MUCH cheaper!

What do you guys think? Am I being crazy for wanting to paint the walls with chalkboard paint? Does he have a point? Or is he just being a pain in the ass?

Snip Snip??

Mike said:
So last week, Jenn and I found out that we're having a boy! *dances a jig* (Actually, she's having the boy, I just donated the sperm, but I've been yelled at by people when I say Jenn is having a boy, so WE'RE having a boy!) Besides the name debate (which is continuing), we now have to decide whether or not to circumcise the baby. I think we should. Maybe it's because I am and that's what I know, but I think we should do it. Jenn's all worried about the pain it will cause him, but millions of boys have it done and we're all fine. I'm concerned that if we don't have it done that he could get picked on as he gets older for being different. Also, it's a lot less work to clean when that extra skin is gone. Besides, you should see the sonogram picture...............he's hung half way to his knees! (I know that has nothing to do with this, but I felt it was worth mentioning.)

Jenn said:
Watch out, I’m armed with facts on this one! Approximately 56% of all newborn boys - about 1.1 million babies - are circumcised in the United States each year. That is only a little over half. It’s not like it was when you were a child, now almost half of the children his age will not be circumcised. So him not being like everyone else is not a warranted excuse in this case I don’t think. BUT, let’s discuss that anyway for a minute.

Allie’s one ear is a bit flopped down on one side. Ya know, she might get picked on because of that, maybe we should have it medically fixed. Or Allie’s nose might one day go the way of most of us Italians and start to take over her face. Would you want to surgically change her so she looks like everyone else? Or leave her the way she came out, which is perfect. When Allie was diagnosed with a flat spot on the back of her head we decided not to get her fitted with a helmet if it was only cosmetic, meanwhile your talking about cutting off a piece of your son’s penis for a cosmetic reason only. Makes no sense.

I don’t understand the rational of performing an unneeded surgery to remove a healthy body part from an un-consenting person. There is no other human body part we routinely remove before it presents any sign of trouble. Why the one exception?

The reasons of: Because I am, and to look like everyone else are not good enough for me. Your gonna have to come up with something better than that.

Mike Said:
OK, you wanna go there huh? OK. How about the fact that doing it lowers the risk of urinary tract infections, penile cancer, and sexually transmitted diseases. Most studies do show that uncircumcised male infants have about a 10 fold increase in UTIs, (Jenn butts in: that is only for the first year of life.) but the overall risk of an uncircumcised male infant getting a UTI is relatively low, only about 1%. Penile cancer is also more common in uncircumcised men. How about the fact that it's possible to have an infection in the foreskin which could require a circumcision later in life! OR! How about the fact that it will cut down on his chances of contracting HIV in half! Huh! HUH! HUH!?!?!?!

Jenn said:
Well, I’m happy to see that you finally went to a website that has some kind of information on it instead of giving the typical man answer of “I’m the one with the penis and I decide that he should be like me.”

However, those “facts” that you wrote up there are not necessarily facts their studies, and I could come up with a bunch of studies myself that prove every one of those studies wrong. We could go on forever that way because none of that stuff is proven one way or another. However, what I will give you is what both the American Medical Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics say and that is this:

"Existing scientific evidence demonstrates potential medical benefits of newborn
male circumcision; however, these data are not sufficient to recommend routine
neonatal circumcision. In circumstances in which there are potential benefits
and risks, yet the procedure is not essential to the child's current well-being,
parents should determine what is in the best interest of the child. To make an
informed choice, parents of all male infants should be given accurate and
unbiased information and be provided the opportunity to discuss this decision.
If a decision for circumcision is made, procedural analgesia should be
provided."

Even if all of those “facts” that you wrote up there are true, having a female circumcised would have the same affect in reducing UTI’s and lowering the chances for contracting STDs. So why is it in the US that female circumcision is called “genital mutilation” and is outlawed? Why? Because it's barbaric for either gender!

And, the only studies that ARE proven are the ones that show that circumcision removes the most sensitive parts of the penis. Why do that to our son?

All I ask is that you do me a favor and look at real websites like The American Academy of Family Physicians and The American Medical Association (instead of the first one that comes up on the search) and read actual facts before making a uninformed decision about it.

OH and P.S. Condoms prevent AIDS, not circumcision, which I will be teaching to both of our children.

So this is what it's like

Mike Said:
So I have a new respect for stay at home mom's and dad's. I was laid off from my job three weeks ago and have been taking care of my daughter. Granted, we were away last week visiting relatives, but I already realize how difficult it is. You are "on" 24-7. Allie is a sweet little girl, but lately she's been very attached to me and rarely gives me a break, even after Jenn gets home from work. It's tiring, but enjoyable at the same time.

When I was growing up, my mom always had the house clean and dinner on the table at 6pm for when my step-dad came home. My house isn't exactly filthy, but it could use to be straightened up! I have dinner ready for Jenn most of the time, but I have to force myself to do it. Not because I don't want to do it, but because I really just want to sit on the sofa and do nothing at the end of the day. Allie hangs on my leg when I'm trying to make something to eat because she want me to pay attention to her and not the stove. She wants to play all the time. She has so much energy. It was nice out here in NJ the first week, so I took her to the park one day, but now it's cold again. The only break I get is when Allie takes a nap at about 12:30pm, but then I'm talking to recruiters, or looking on the Internet for a job, so that's not really a break.

Don't get me wrong, I love the time Allie and I spend running up and down the hall chasing each other with baby carriages, or shopping carts, but my back hurts from bending over and I just need to turn off sometimes. Since Jenn is pregnant with our second child, we're going to try to have her stay home with them for a few years. I give her and all other SAHM & D's a standing ovation for being able to do it.

Jenn said:
To be perfectly honest, and this might be mean, but I'm happy he's having a hard time keeping the house clean and getting dinner ready. Whenever I'm home from work I feel like my job for those days that I'm home is to take care of Allie and the house. So I feel this pressure hanging over me that I need to be able to perform. I need to keep everything clean, get something constructive done, play with Allie (maybe even teach her something), and have dinner on the table for Mike when he gets home. In my head, that's my job and what Mike is expecting from me. In my head....of course.

Well, the first day Mike was home he got up before Allie, and took a shower! He started breakfast as I was walking out the door, and that day he cleaned up, did laundry, took Allie to the park, and was calling me at work wondering when I would be home so that dinner would be ready. I thought to myself. DAMN HIM!! He's good at that TOO!?!?! Jeeze!!

By Wednesday I got home and he was on the couch in his PJ's watching Sports Center. Toys were everywhere and dinner was no where to be found. What a sigh of relief! I happily walked in, picked up Allie and started heating up leftovers. He yelled from the living room. Want me to watch her while your doing that? I replied with a smile: Nope, I'm good!

For some reason I always have complex that's I'm not doing enough. Like I should be able to do more than I am. Now I have a little validation. And validation is SWEET!

Now....let's hope he remembers this, when the tables are turned around again and HE is walking into a messy house and no dinner. =o)

Every emotion rolled into a teeny ball

Jenn said:
Happiness, excitement, anxiety, fear, sadness, and wonder are swirling around my head at a record pace these last couple of months. Everything around me has turned into a muffled hum as I try to contemplate in my mind what this will mean, and how it will change all of our lives. You see, we're going to have another baby.

It is very exciting, and we did plan it, but now that it's here it's kind of hard to wrap your head around! I look at Althea and think, WOW! How could she be a big sister? She's such a peanut! Plus, she's my baby! *sniff* Does this mean she's not my baby anymore?? And, she's so used to getting all of our attention, how will she deal? Will she be a helper? Will she start throwing tantrums? Will she start to revert backwards like everyone says? And what exactly does that mean, anyway? Is this going to ruin her wonderful disposition?

And what about Mike? He will have to take on more and more. Will he snap? He's so good as is, but we will both need to step it up in order to survive. Will he think I'm asking too much of him? He so easily adapts to changes so I don't know why I would think that. I wonder if he will end up spending more time with Allie or with the new baby? Will we each end up with one child that we are more responsible for, or we will both do both? I wonder what he's writing in his post right now?

Then there is me. Am I ready for this? Will I get more stretch marks? Will I ever be skinny again, or has that ship sailed? Will I have the stamina to wake up every 3 hours in the middle of the night again? Will I hear the baby cry? I've become more accustomed to ignoring Allie for a little while if she cries at night, will I remember that I can't do that with the new one?

UGH Breastfeeding. I want to be able to do it so bad. I do NOT want to bail on it like I did with Althea. I'll have more time off for maternity leave this time so I really have no excuse, but OMG it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I KNOW that if I just pull through that hard time it will get better, but for some reason that didn't help at the time when I was crying my eyes out not wanting to feed Allie because it hurt so bad, and she was crying her eyes out hungry. I wonder if I get a lactation consultant this time, instead of pretending that I knew everything 5 seconds after becoming a mother, if it will help? I guess it couldn't hurt.

But also.......awwww I can't wait to have a little teeny baby again! Can't wait to show Allie her new brother or sister. Can't wait to potentially stay home with both of them and give them all my attention and not have to go back to work! (hopefully) Can't wait for that first smile, first roll, first sit, first word, first step all over again.

So, now you know what's going on in my head. Let's see how Mike feels:

Mike says:
So now that Jenn is pregnant with our second child, some things are going to have to change. We both want Jenn to be able to stay home with the kids, so that means that we're losing an income. Can you say, "Tighten that belt?" I knew that you could!

That means:

1. No more new cars for a while. (But I can keep buying different used ones over and over again, right?)
2. More bag lunches at work. (BOR-RING!)
3. Probably carrying a credit card balance for a while. (UGH! I hate this one.)
4. Possibly getting rid of some of the cable channels we have.
5. Making sure I behave at work and control who I want to mouth off at when they piss me off! (which already it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut sometimes)
6. Upgrades on the house may have to wait. (Even the ones I can tackle myself)
7. Making sure we use coupons and buying in bulk whenever possible.
8. More vacations to local destinations (like the Jersey shore..........ICK!).

But it also means:

1. I get to come home to my family every night. (Currently I love it when Jenn beats me home. She and Allie tend to sit in the living room window waiting for me to pull in the driveway. Allie gets all excited and runs to greet me.)
2. No more worrying about who's going to stay home when one of them is sick, or if it's bad weather.
3. I get an extra ½ hour of sleep in the morning since Jenn won't have to get ready too. (YES!)
4. Knowing that my kids will be brought up how we want them, with our values and not someone else's. (This is not a knock on daycare or my in-laws at all).
5. ........and that it's all worth it to have a family.

Jenn chimes back in:
HAHAHA Yea, your gonna get an extra half hour of sleep in the morning. Good thing too, cause your gonna need it from getting up every 3 hours!!! HAHAHAHA your funny.....extra half hour sleep. *snicker*

Pickin' up the slack 'vs Yelling SLACKER!

Jenn Said:
I have this "thing". I hate talking to people on the telephone. Unless of course that person is my mother, brother, aunt, or a handful of friends. Other than that, I hate it. This goes back a long way with me (as long as I can remember). I had such a hard time calling for jobs in the paper (this is pre-Monster), calling and making/canceling an appointment, or even just calling someone back that I haven't talked to in a while. This still plagues me. I hate having to call and talk to Allie's daycare, doctors, companies regarding billing issues, or even something as small as calling friends back about something.

It drives Mike crazy. I just think of it as something I'm not good at. We all have things that we excel at and things we don't. I mean no one is perfect, right? (I'm close, btw lol) My husband, has things that he's not great at! Planning any type of event or social gathering. We would never do anything if I left it up to him. Having the patience to deal with certain things regarding Allie. Creating a schedule for her or dealing with her when she changes up the schedule. I'm better at some things and he is better at others. This is what we call "Picking up the Slack", right?

Shouldn't we just acknowledge that whatever the thing is, is something that our significant other isn't good at and do it for them? Or should we make that person do it just BECAUSE they aren't good at it, in attempts to HELP them get over it?

Lets hear what Mike has to say.....and what's your thoughts on it?

Mike Said:
I have no problem handling the phone calls to Daycare, doctors, issues with bills, etc, but there are times when I just don’t have the time to handle it right then. I know talking to these people is something that Jenn hates doing, but sometimes I just want her to realize that I can’t handle everything and I need help. I do my best to help plan things, but I don’t always ask the right questions and then she just ends up getting annoyed and having to redo what I already did. It happens.

I feel like I pick up a lot of the slack for her and her for me. Like I said before, this only seems to be an issue when one of us really does not feel like dealing with something and ends up forcing it on the other person by default. She is horrible at returning calls and handling things that need to be taken care of now. She’s a bit of a hippy and is more relaxed about stuff. I’m a little OCD and want things done when I want them done and how. I know I’m a pain in the ass sometimes, but we manage.

In general, we don’t really argue about things, or hold grudges. We get them out on the table as soon as it happens and talk like civil people about them. You will never see one of us holding in something until we punch a hole in the wall, or even make a huge issue out of something at an inappropriate time. We’re considerate of how the other feels and always try to take it into consideration when having a disagreement. No relationship is perfect, but ours is pretty close.

Women are smarter...........

Mike Said:
Yeah, that's right. Women are smarter. OK, do I really believe that? No. Well...................ok yeah, sometimes. For example, how does Jenn know how to get the baby to sleep after she's been squirming around, crying, pointing towards the door, and all around protesting going to bed for me? Couldn't tell you, but she does it. Also, she just has the instincts to know how to keep Allie occupied all day with Little People, ring around the rosie, dancing BooBah's and whatever else is around the house. OK, now with that being said, do I think she has all the answers? No, but she knows a hell of a lot! I stayed home with Allie one day last week because she was sick and by the end of the day I was done. I give anyone that stays home with kids all day a lot of credit. Don't get me wrong, I love kids, especially my daughter, but it's hard work taking care of a kid with a horrible cough and a 102.5 fever. Everything upsets them. When Jenn came home after work and a quick trip to the store, she could tell I was beat. Meanwhile, Jenn stayed home with Allie Monday since she still wasn't 100%, and somehow got her to sleep for two 2.5 hour naps, and both of them were smiling away when I came home at 5:30pm. Whatever she does, it works.

Now, lets talk about how I don't understand my wife's obsession of going shopping on Black Friday.......................THIS is something that I am smarter than she is on. I avoid shopping like the plague everyday of the year, let alone THAT day. Am I right guys? All of them must have a defective part of their brain that makes them enjoy that hell hole of a day!

Jenn said:
Your right. Women are smarter. Aaaand, do you have to do any Christmas Shopping, except to buy for me? No? Ok, well then shut up! lol
*takes credit card* *kiss*

end of post.

Oh wait, the baby. Well, I should be better than you at SOMETHING! Your cleaner, more organized, remember shit, and now you even make more money than I do. So give a girl sumthin! I play better ring around the rosie than you do, and I have long hair that lulls babies to sleep *shrug* whatcha gonna do?

Come on though seriously, any of you go shopping on Black Friday? It's usually how I kick off my Christmas Shopping. Although this year I actually bought a couple of gifts already. YAY! Anyway, on Friday my mother, aunt, cousin, and I all wake up early and shop till we have blisters on our feet! And I don't care what you all think, we have a ball!

It is funny though how when I talk to people about shopping on Friday everyone says I'm crazy, and how they would NEVER shop that day. Meanwhile...the stores and malls are packed. Hmmmmmmm
So come on spill it. You go shopping on Black Friday, ADMIT IT!

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p.s. Happy Thanksgiving from everyone at Dad said Mom said!

For What It's Worth

When Mike and Jenn first met, they would talk about what they wanted out of life. They wanted to live in a country setting, they both wanted kids...that kind of stuff. Jenn said she wanted 3 kids, and that she wanted to be able to stay home with them. Mike said 3 was a bit much for him (different post entirely) but that he would love for the mother of his children to be able to stay home. And then they would smile because they were so in sync and perfect for each other. The sun beamed down on them and angels would sing.

Jenn Said: Before I was pregnant, Mike and I lived together in an apartment. The rent was so cheap that Mike paid for everything with no problem, and my entire paycheck went into the bank to prepare for our future. We weren't married, but we knew that we wanted to share our future together, so it just made sense. Then I got pregnant and we were so happy, but plans started going into overdrive. We started thinking about where we lived and that it wasn't really conducive to having children there (the area, not the apartment). So we decided to just, ya know, look at houses. We weren't in a rush or anything....just curious. Of course once we started looking we got sucked into the real estate vortex and the only way out was to buy a house, NOW! We found a house that we loved! Great neighborhood, lots of bedrooms, just so much for our money. We were hooked! It was a little above our price range (which oddly enough grew higher and higher as we were looking). I was pregnant (like HUGE pregnant), and would love to bring our baby home to a house.

*Insert Life Altering Turning Point Here*
Mike: You realize that if we buy this house you won't be able to stay home with the baby, right?
Jenn: Yea, I know. It's ok.

WAIT, WHAT? IT IS? Ummmm!!! NO IT'S NOT!!!
I was pregnant, what the hell did I know! I was stupid; I didn't know anything about parenting (even though I thought I did). I was the one that said stuff like, MYYYY child was never EVER sleeping one second in MY bed......HA HA!!!!! All I knew is that I wanted that house! Instant satisfaction! Deal with the repercussions later, right?
Well, HELLOOOOOO Later!

So now, even though I said it was ok that I was gonna work, I don't want to work. I want to be home with Allie. I feel like I'm missing the best part of her life. I want to start trying to have another baby sometime within the next 6 months or so, and I want to stay home with that one too. Because paying for daycare for both of them, I might as WELL not work anyway. So why is it that even though we both were so in sync before all of this: I wanted to stay home, he wanted me to stay home; do I now feel guilty for wanting to stay home? Damn that mommy guilt!

I think it's a couple of reasons, and I think they are pretty valid.

1. I don't want all the financial pressure to be on him.
2. I feel like I'm sending him out to slave in the work force while I'm having fun playing with blocks!
3. Cause now I'm going back on my word that I was gonna work. And if I do that, we would have to sacrifice living the way we like to. Also, so I can stay home and play with Allie.

I KNOW I KNOW it's more than staying home and playing. However, she does like day care now, and most mothers work these days. So why am I making a big deal over it? For some reason I just feel like a failure for wanting to stay home....like I can't HACK the working mom thing, so I'm going to force my husband to do MORE so I can do LESS, and he doesn't deserve that.

Of course, then there's always the thing, that once I go through ALL of this to be able to stay home, what happens if I hate it??!?! I guess I'll jump off that bridge when and if I ever get to it.

Mike Said: OK, I do want Jenn to stay home with Allie. I don't know why she's so worried about putting more of a burden on me and feeling guilty about it. I knew what was eventually going to happen. If we were going to have a house in a safe area, multiple kids (which means 2 to Mike & 3 to Jenn) and have one of us stay home with them, we were going to have to make sacrifices. I recently got a new job, which pays me more money, but not enough to support us in our current lifestyle. Sure, if we stayed in the apartment, we could live how we're living now, but be in a crappy area, and having Jenn not feel comfortable enough to walk outside with the baby is NOT worth it.

Once our car leases are up, we're just going to not have 2 brand new cars anymore. I know both of us used to work for a car manufacturing company (where we met) and drove $35k - $40k cars every day, but we're going to have to just learn to except driving around in a 1976 AMC Pacer! (ok, that's a bit much, but you get the idea). We already have numerous nice TV's (cause I also worked for a TV manufactuer), a decent amount of new furniture, some (not a lot, but some) savings, and no credit card debt, so we're in a decent place for us to start to figure out a way for Jenn to stay home. (I say Jenn stay home, not because it's HER role, but because I happen to make more than she does. If the roles were reversed, I'd be the one to stay home.) We would probably figure out a way for her to work from home in some fashion (at night or whatever), so she'd still be helping with the bills. Not even to mention that she'd be taking care of the house and most importantly, our child(ren). I knew this before we got married, and am totally fine with it. No more fancy vacations to the Caribbean or Las Vegas anymore. Instead we're going to have to go camping, and maybe take some local trips to the Jersey shore, but as long as I'm with my family, I don't care.

Daycare is a great thing because it allows kids to learn social skills, but we do know people that have kids, so she can still learn to interact. Once we have our second child, she's going to have to stay home. There's no way we can afford $2k/month in day care. I won't be doing any more than I'm doing now. We'll just have to make sacrifices. Is my family worth it? DEFINITELY!!!! And more!!

Don't worry Babe, we'll figure it out and we'll be fine.

**********

*Sprinkles fairy dust to make her parents stop freakin out for no reason*

Don't drink? Don't smoke? What do ya do?

Jenn said:

BLOG!

My husband has this cute little pet name for me......No it's not sweetie or honey or schmoopsie or even Frog (which is what it USED to be). No no nothing cutesy and romantic like that. No, his little pet name for me is: MOUSE POTATO!

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

He thinks I spend too much time on the computer. Since I'm writing this to you, oh blogosphere, I know I have some company out there. I'm sure you all hear it too. In fact, this cartoon from Blogging Chicks says it perfectly, doesn't it?

Thing is, I don't feel like I do that. I think I'm barely on-line when I'm home. When he's not there yes, when I'm at work yes, but at night I don't think I'm on a lot at all! I'm constantly thinking that I'd like to go on, but don't. Sheesh, imagine if I was on as much as I wished I could be.......what would he think THEN?!?!?!

My husband is a rare breed. Really, he is. He's absolutely wonderful. I wouldn't trade him for anything and I'm lucky as hell to have found him. When I go out with my girlfriends they all complain about their husbands and I just sit there and smile and nod. Sometimes I bring up things that used to annoy me about my ex, just to fit into the conversation. At some point in the conversation they look at me and say, what about Mike? Then I have to cringe (cause I know the eye rolling is coming) and tell them: No, actually he's really clean, I'm the messy one. No he's great with the baby, I never have to guilt him into taking care of her. No, he does his own laundry if he's out of something, cooks his own meal if I'm too busy or tired, doesn't drink and then treat me like shit, ect..... > Insert eye roll here. *shrug* sorry.....

In fact, most of the time it's ME who may not clean up after herself all the time...once in a while....occasionally....but hardly ever.....*whistles* Forgets to do things.......also very rare. Gets engrossed in the TV and doesn't hear him when he talks.....what? ME? I don't even WATCH TV!! Anyway, let me quit while I'm behind here and get back on point....Blogging.....alone time....

The truth is blogging just replaced computer games for me. I've spent probably years of my life in front of a computer playing on-line games like Everquest while drinking beer and chain smoking. Well, I don't do that anymore. I don't drink or smoke (regularly) and I don't play any more games. Instead I blog....occasionally...once in a while.....hardly ever!

I hear women in the blogosphere constantly talking about needing time alone, time for themselves, yadda yadda yadda. This can't include me. These women have husbands that don't help them. They need to do everything themselves. They stay home all day with the kids and need a reprieve....right? That's not me. How could I need that? I'm alone at work all day. I feel like I barely see Allie as it is, how could I need MORE time without her? And Mike? He's wonderful....he's everything I could have dreamed for....why would I need time without him? So that I can blog?!?!? Someone smack me right now!!!! He doesn't get time alone! Why should I? Although maybe we both need it.

Am I being selfish? I do that sometimes.......and I don't notice it till way after. And then I think......wow how did I not see that? I was such a bitch!

How does one balance: Time with family. Time with husband. Time alone. While also working, going to family functions, hanging out with friends and having a clean house? Oh yea and there's also that little thing called sleep.....

It's like the age old question isn't it?
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side....DUH!!
How does one balance their time equally and efficiently? You CAN'T.......DUH!!

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Mike said:


So, I’ve been thinking lately...

...that maybe I pick on my wife too much. She LOVES being on the computer. It started with internet based video games. She played a lot on games like EverQuest and World of Warcraft (WOW) before we were together. I do have to admit that she did get me into WOW for a while. I used to spend hours playing before we got married while she was out doing wedding stuff. The games are addicting, I admit it.

Now she blogs all the time; reading, commenting writing, etc. I love her a lot and she’s wonderful with our daughter. We both work all day, but after dinner, she likes to play with the baby for a little while, then she wants to go online “just to check her email” (which always turns into much more). I mean, there are much worse things she could be doing. She doesn’t do drugs. She rarely smokes or drinks. I understand that she gets lost in what she’s doing and that helps her to relax, so why shouldn’t I let her have this one thing? I guess my reasons are selfish. Simply, I miss her. I want us to spend time as a family, and then once our little girl goes to bed, I like to sit with her. We don’t even have to say anything, I just like when she’s around. I guess that’s why I married her.

I know, I kind of sound like a nagging woman saying, “Are you still watching the game?” or “Get out of the garage and come inside!” Does anyone else go thru this stuff, or is it just me?