Pickin' up the slack 'vs Yelling SLACKER!
Jenn Said:
I have this "thing". I hate talking to people on the telephone. Unless of course that person is my mother, brother, aunt, or a handful of friends. Other than that, I hate it. This goes back a long way with me (as long as I can remember). I had such a hard time calling for jobs in the paper (this is pre-Monster), calling and making/canceling an appointment, or even just calling someone back that I haven't talked to in a while. This still plagues me. I hate having to call and talk to Allie's daycare, doctors, companies regarding billing issues, or even something as small as calling friends back about something.
It drives Mike crazy. I just think of it as something I'm not good at. We all have things that we excel at and things we don't. I mean no one is perfect, right? (I'm close, btw lol) My husband, has things that he's not great at! Planning any type of event or social gathering. We would never do anything if I left it up to him. Having the patience to deal with certain things regarding Allie. Creating a schedule for her or dealing with her when she changes up the schedule. I'm better at some things and he is better at others. This is what we call "Picking up the Slack", right?
Shouldn't we just acknowledge that whatever the thing is, is something that our significant other isn't good at and do it for them? Or should we make that person do it just BECAUSE they aren't good at it, in attempts to HELP them get over it?
Lets hear what Mike has to say.....and what's your thoughts on it?
Mike Said:
I have no problem handling the phone calls to Daycare, doctors, issues with bills, etc, but there are times when I just don’t have the time to handle it right then. I know talking to these people is something that Jenn hates doing, but sometimes I just want her to realize that I can’t handle everything and I need help. I do my best to help plan things, but I don’t always ask the right questions and then she just ends up getting annoyed and having to redo what I already did. It happens.
I feel like I pick up a lot of the slack for her and her for me. Like I said before, this only seems to be an issue when one of us really does not feel like dealing with something and ends up forcing it on the other person by default. She is horrible at returning calls and handling things that need to be taken care of now. She’s a bit of a hippy and is more relaxed about stuff. I’m a little OCD and want things done when I want them done and how. I know I’m a pain in the ass sometimes, but we manage.
In general, we don’t really argue about things, or hold grudges. We get them out on the table as soon as it happens and talk like civil people about them. You will never see one of us holding in something until we punch a hole in the wall, or even make a huge issue out of something at an inappropriate time. We’re considerate of how the other feels and always try to take it into consideration when having a disagreement. No relationship is perfect, but ours is pretty close.
I have this "thing". I hate talking to people on the telephone. Unless of course that person is my mother, brother, aunt, or a handful of friends. Other than that, I hate it. This goes back a long way with me (as long as I can remember). I had such a hard time calling for jobs in the paper (this is pre-Monster), calling and making/canceling an appointment, or even just calling someone back that I haven't talked to in a while. This still plagues me. I hate having to call and talk to Allie's daycare, doctors, companies regarding billing issues, or even something as small as calling friends back about something.
It drives Mike crazy. I just think of it as something I'm not good at. We all have things that we excel at and things we don't. I mean no one is perfect, right? (I'm close, btw lol) My husband, has things that he's not great at! Planning any type of event or social gathering. We would never do anything if I left it up to him. Having the patience to deal with certain things regarding Allie. Creating a schedule for her or dealing with her when she changes up the schedule. I'm better at some things and he is better at others. This is what we call "Picking up the Slack", right?
Shouldn't we just acknowledge that whatever the thing is, is something that our significant other isn't good at and do it for them? Or should we make that person do it just BECAUSE they aren't good at it, in attempts to HELP them get over it?
Lets hear what Mike has to say.....and what's your thoughts on it?
Mike Said:
I have no problem handling the phone calls to Daycare, doctors, issues with bills, etc, but there are times when I just don’t have the time to handle it right then. I know talking to these people is something that Jenn hates doing, but sometimes I just want her to realize that I can’t handle everything and I need help. I do my best to help plan things, but I don’t always ask the right questions and then she just ends up getting annoyed and having to redo what I already did. It happens.
I feel like I pick up a lot of the slack for her and her for me. Like I said before, this only seems to be an issue when one of us really does not feel like dealing with something and ends up forcing it on the other person by default. She is horrible at returning calls and handling things that need to be taken care of now. She’s a bit of a hippy and is more relaxed about stuff. I’m a little OCD and want things done when I want them done and how. I know I’m a pain in the ass sometimes, but we manage.
In general, we don’t really argue about things, or hold grudges. We get them out on the table as soon as it happens and talk like civil people about them. You will never see one of us holding in something until we punch a hole in the wall, or even make a huge issue out of something at an inappropriate time. We’re considerate of how the other feels and always try to take it into consideration when having a disagreement. No relationship is perfect, but ours is pretty close.
Labels: Mike and Jenn
posted by Jenn at 12:02 PM
9 Say it:
It sounds like you've found a good balance. I'm not married yet, so I don't know how this will work in my marriage, but I'll be able to tell you in about, oh, five months!
I nominate my 14-year-old to help you out. As far as I can tell, he is on the phone during his every waking moment. In fact, we take the phone off the hook at 10:30 each night just to make him stop. I'm sure he would be happy to make your calls too. He's very good at it.
We all have things we're not good at. I don't vacuum or drive teenagers around. That's just the way it is. Eric picks up my slack.
Picking up each other's slack, whatever it may be, seems to be what works for most of the couples we know, including ourselves.
I'll let you know when we learn how to discuss these little annoyances like grown-ups though, because just tonight, I threw coconut from the pantry at my husband because he was complaining of my "lack of organization" there!
I am such a grown-up.
Carrie
Wow I am impressed with you guys. I must get Daddy to read this one.
I personally have a lot of respect for you guys. Mike's take on things is more my style, but the fact that you both get things out in the open and manage to talk it over civilly is very commendable. I think I could take lessons just in that department alone - I only wish my SO could see where I was coming from every once in a while so we wouldn't have to lock horns as often as we do in regards to household stuff.
HMM...actually doing something instead of yelling. INTERESTING. I LIKE IT...what happens if you aren't good at/hate the same things? That is our issue. No one wants to do the dishes around here. I love that he does "general pick up" but can't ever find anything when he is done. And...my stuff always ends up in the trash. When you are a SAHM will you be expected to pick up more slack? Hope i didn't start a fight....LOL (Brandi)
Hey, I've been missing out by not reading this blog!
I don't know if you both have full time jobs outside the home? That would effect my answer.
I understand hating the phone (and being a hippy) but the phone is something you have to deal with in life if you like it or not.
sorry this was so unhelpful!!!
I vote for Jill's 14 year old!
Starshine - Communication is the key!
Jill - How much is a plane ticket from where you are to NJ?
Carrie - Did you hit him in the head?
Mom - Would you prefer I just talk to him for you? LOL!
Mama's Moon - I know I liked you!
Brandi - If you hate the same things, you need to do them together so neither one gets bitter about always doing them.
Barbara - Yes we both work full time away from home.
Ay yi yi....We have room for SOOOOO much improvement here in my house!
Let's just say I live with a cavemen, but one who learned how to do his own laundry and feed himself out of necessity when the woman of the house thought his "policies" were crap! *wink*
It's all good now!
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