The Right Way to Be

Jen’s Take

“I’ve got to tell you the funniest thing that The Big Guy did today.” said my preschooler’s teacher. “He looked around to make sure that nobody was watching before he went into the dress up corner and put on a princess dress. And then he looked a little embarrassed afterward.”

While it didn’t bother me in the least, my mind raced to find some way to ease this little tidbit into conversation after John’s return home from work. I just could see no perfect way to let him know of his son’s activity at school other than to say, “I’ve got to tell you the funniest thing that The Big Guy did today….he put on a princess dress.” Hmmm.

Back in our early parenting days John almost had a heart attack when he found The Big Guy tinkering with a friend’s toy kitchen. Looking at me in panic it was all he could do to keep from ripping the toy from our son’s grip and tossing it into a closet.

But here’s my stance: I have no problem with either of my children playing with toys that are/were originally designated as ‘gender-specific’. I find it perfectly okay that my son ‘cooks’ at a play kitchen. I welcome his curiosity when he examines a baby doll. And I have no hesitation explaining and demonstrating the whys and how-tos of hair clips and ribbons. I allow him to watch me put makeup on, and he’s even tried on a few pairs of my high heels. Am I worried that it’s a sign of any future homosexuality? No. Am I encouraging homosexual tendencies? I don’t see that I am. Would I be bothered if a few years down the line he decided to ‘bat for the other team’? Honestly, it would take me a bit by surprise but it wouldn’t make me love him any less.

Of course I’d want to do all in my power to protect him from the ugliness of those who choose to be ignorant, but the fact of the matter is this: my actions and calm reactions to his natural curiosities are the tone I want to set in my relationship with him as his mother. I don’t want to make him feel that I ever judge him (now as a child nor in the future when he becomes a man). The only things I expect of him are respect, compassion, and complete honesty. Not making a big deal out of it now keeps it from being a big deal further down the road.

Is it just easier for a woman to accept; especially a mother?

John’s Take

Where am I supposed to go with this? I can go with the politically correct answer to avoid quick judgements and innuendos. Or do I take the honest approach, go with the first word that comes to mind and deal with the judgements later?

1) Honestly I grew up in a very diverse environment and have had many friends who have “batted” for the other team. I know it probably sounds horrible but I hope that TBG ends up staying on my team.

2) Maybe it’s my issue more than Jen’s but I do want to instill some manly-man tendencies into his life. Not the macho-man-beer-can-wingman ways but more of a solid, down to earth, honest, confident man who will be respectful towards women.

3) I will love my son unconditionally forever. But honestly I won’t be able to help but be disappointed should he pick up more feminine tendencies because of how Jen handles these situations.

Last week at the mall while shoe-shopping, Jen grabbed a purse for our daughter to carry. The Big Guy, being a normal sibling, didn’t want to be left out of the action and requested a purse for himself. He said, “Look, Daddy! I have a purse!” To which I replied (in a very low voice hoping that Jen would not hear) “Purses are for girls, Big Guy. Put it back.” Unfortunately, eagle-ears Jen overheard my comment and snapped me a look of disgust.

Jen and I tend to agree on most things. But in this case she feels that I’m overreacting. She also thinks that the more attention I give to it the more likely he’ll be intrigued because of my reactions. I’m damned if I do, and I’m damned if I don’t.