Happy Holidays!!

Everyone here at "Dad Said, Mom Said" would like to wish our readers a happy and safe holiday.
Normal posts will resume after the new year.

Best wishes to all,
Issa, Nick, Jill, Eric, John, Jenn, Mike, Jenn, Jennster and Point.

oh, the holiday's

jennster:
holiday's. christmas, thanksgiving, easter, and whatever the hell else "holiday" you're required to do familial things for. when boyfriend and i were dating i remember him telling me that we would NEVER switch off families during the holidays (you know, like my family one year, his the next). he gave me some bullshit line about how he had to be with his family every single thanksgiving and christmas. and no matter how many times i pleaded with him, trying to explain that that wasn't fair at all, he wasn't budging. i remember sluffing it off and thinking "we'll deal with this later.." it's funny because when i bring that up now, he claims not to remember ever saying that. how convenient.

well it's come down to the real deal and we ARE switching off. his family last year at xmas, and mine this year. i truly think that's only fair. even if my mom does get the raw end of the deal because we only seem to negotiate christmas, and nothing else. when you think about it, my mom should have christmas every year since boyfriend's family has us every thanksgiving, easter and every other holiday. but we switch. we trade off. that's how it should be right? i mean, isn't that what normal people do? (not implying that we're normal or anything)

point:
your fucking high if you think that your mom should get christmas every year....you never even did anything for t_day before me. Your just lucky that i have decided to give you a gift and allow us to go to your mothers......after all its tradition that the woman leaves her family to join the mans. i think your blessed to have such a wonderful man that he decide to change the way it was supposed to be to make you happy.

if only you were so understanding.

jennster:
good god, i can't let this crap go. IT IS NOT TRADITION THAT THE WOMAN LEAVES THE MANS FAMILY! he leaves. dammit.
and before your ass, i freaking volunteered during thanksgiving! so hmph!
ps- i hate you.

The Wife Who Stole Christmas

Jill Says:

I was listening to some cheesy radio show on the way into work today. The disc jockeys were cold-calling guys to see how many of them could remember what their wives gave them for Christmas last year. The inference was that men are unsentimental idiots who can't remember something that is so obviously important.

As I listened to this I checked in with myself:

Oh-my-God! I don't know what Eric gave me last year. Not only that, I can't think of a single gift he has given me for the last five years! Nor can I remember anything I've given him for the last five years!! What's wrong with me?!? Do I have a heart of stone?

While it is entirely possible that I do have a heart of stone, I think the real answer is that Christmas gifts just aren't that big of a deal after a certain age. I mean, I'm sure that whatever Eric gave me was absolutely spectacular, and I'm sure that I absolutely loved that spectacular sweater, or earrings, or pajamas or whatever . . . but the fact is that anything I really want I'll just buy myself. Eric does the same.

Truthfully, the things I really want from Eric for Christmas are things like these:

- a guarantee that he will stop leaving little piles of paperwork all over the dining room table.
- a commitment to stop making weekend obligations for us without checking with me first.
- an agreement that he will keep copies of all his bank withdrawals so I don't have to wonder why my checkbook never balances.

See, those things just don't look good under the tree. Call me the Grinch.

Eric Says:

Oh, I get it. You're a sly one, Mrs. Grinch. But I think I understand the REAL meaning of this post - Eric is a crappy gift-giver. Seriously, I am shocked - positively shocked - that Jill could possibly NOT REMEMBER all of the amazing gifts I have given her these past five years. Do you mean to tell me she doesn't remember the blender? The vacuum cleaner? The socks? That hurts.

Now she's come up with a cute little Christmas behavior-modification “wish-list.” If only she knew how silly that list will look on Christmas morning when she sits down to unwrap MY gift to HER. Which also just so happens to be a list - my list - of behavior modifications that I am requesting of her. Alanis Morisette would perhaps describe it as "ironic." Because, apparently, we have some sort of “Gift of the Magi” thing going on. You see, my Christmas wish-list to Jill goes something like this:

- a guarantee that Jill will stop throwing away paperwork which I purposely leave out on the dining room table where I can see it
- a commitment to agree to take on more weekend social obligations.
- an agreement that Jill will stop bugging me about bank withdrawals

I’m sure we’ll figure out a way to reconcile our two little lists, although I'm willing to reconsider and go back to traditional gift-giving. Because I know she would appreciate that sweet little mop I bought her.

By the way, consider yourselves all on our holiday card list. Wishing you the best of the season! Now go buy your spouse a Swiffer. They'll love it, we promise!

Jill & Eric

When Ya Gotta Go.... Ya Gotta Go!!

Setting: John and Jen are on their way out the door to go to session #3 with their marriage counselor when John begins looking through the magazine stack.

Jen: What are you doing? We’re going to be late!

John: I’m looking for a magazine to read. Have you seen the new ESPN?

Jen: You never read in the car; why do you need one NOW??!

John: I’m not going to read it in the car. I need to use the bathroom before we leave.

Jen: Are you kidding me?!!! Now? You need to go to the bathroom NOW? And why the heck do you always need to have a magazine every time you go?

John: Do I really need to explain that to you? Do you need to know everything, right down to how I prefer to read a magazine while doing my business? Can I not have ANYTHING of my own around here without you having an issue with it? Which rule would you like to apply this time, Honey?

Jen: Don’t ‘Honey’ me. Seriously, I don’t mind you doing your business however you like doing it. Aside from your odd sense of timing, like, right before we’re about to walk out the door, toting a magazine with you just prolongs the process. Hence, it seems like I wait forever and a day for you to come back out!

John: One – you shouldn’t be waiting for me. You should find something else to do than wait because I’m not speeding up my process for you, or anybody else. And two – if you’re telling me that women plan ahead and put pottying into their schedule so that they can get out the door in a timely fashion well, sorry, but guys just don’t work that way. When we’re headed out the door we look for our wallet; we make sure we have our keys; and, at that point, we ask ourselves, “Do I need to go now, or can I wait?” and then the next question would be, “How long will I need to wait? And when we get there is there going to be a magazine available to make me feel as if I’m at home?” So ninety percent of the time I come to the conclusion that it’s best to just empty the tanks before leaving the house. So now you know the process, why don’t you put that into your calendar. I’m going to the bathroom. (John enters the bathroom and ceremoniously closes the door with a flourish)

Jen (peeved and determined to have her say, plunks herself right outside the door to wait)

Time passes, and John emerges.

Jen: Well it’s about time – now we’re twenty minutes behind schedule!

John: You exaggerate, that was only five man-minutes which, in dog years, are twenty wife-minutes.

Jen (disregarding his sarcasm): First of all, to get back to your earlier remarks, ‘yes’, in most instances I actually DO plan my trips to the bathroom – to the point of reason, of course. And that’s only when I’m able to find a window of opportunity here and there while I’m with the kids. Secondly, should I even fantasize that my visit to the loo lasts longer than three minutes I can be sure as Hell that a certain three-year old would be banging on the door insisting on coming in; which gives me no choice but to do my business with the door wide open, thank you very much. And finally, my beef with the magazine is not that I despise your ability to relax but rather, you’re relaxed to the point that you’re probably all finished doing your thing and yet you’re most likely hung up reading something interesting causing you to stay in the bathroom even longer!

John: You having an opinion as to when and where my body chooses to go is like me asking you “Why do you have to have your period right now? Can’t you just hold it for twenty more minutes?” Maybe you haven’t noticed but men are built differently than women. I don’t have the get-in, get-out mentality that you might have. I like to get in there and not rush the whole process. It’s my preference. If I ever gave you a hard time for taking too long for fixing your face in the morning, you would’ve already thrown a shoe at me. So just let it go and respect my space!

Jen (heading out the door): Are you through yet? Seriously, let’s go, we’re late!! We can talk about this in the car…

John follows behind and immediately starts busting out in laughter as Jen runs back into the house to tinkle.

John: Honey, wait! You forgot the magazine!!