The Voices in my Head

Mike Said: So last week, I scheduled to go on a off-site meeting from Wednesday to Friday, leaving Jenn home with both kids alone overnight for the first time. I was feeling guilty about it and almost decided to drive back every night to help her. I was especially concerned about how Allie would handle me not being there for so long. I've been putting her to bed almost every night for a few months now and didn't want Jenn to have a hard time with her and also dealing with Luke. Also, how would Jenn be able to get the three of them out of the house in time for day-care?!? Normally she can't get herself out of the house on time, much less get a 2 year old and a 4 week old also!

Jenn was great about it and said that she wanted me to go and not worry (which I knew she meant), but I would have said the same to her if the roles were reversed and still been a little worried about how things would go. We worked out having my mother come on Wednesday night and her mom Thursday. I went, but was concerned how things would really go.

Jenn Said: Here is where I vary between turning into my mother, and trying to be the complete opposite of her at the same time. At first look the correct answer to this would be:

Awwwww thanks for being so worried about me, babe.
Awwwww thanks for getting me help, babe.
Awwwww thanks for offering to come home at night babe but I'll
be ok.

except why did I have this feeling in me like:

What do you think I'm a hack? I can handle it! Sheesh.
What are you trying to say? I'm not a good mother? I can't handle
shit? Like I NEED you or I'm a total wreck??? huh? Huh? HUH?
if it was YOU staying home would YOU need my mother and/or your mother
to come and help you? I doubt it!

I try real hard to keep that destructive voice inside and not let it out. Especially since I kinda LIKE having help and am not a big fan of handling and doing everything myself. Turns out having my mother in law and mother come by and help me at night was nice, and did help. Of course I COULD have done it alone.....but I guess no need to be a hero, right?

Memories

Brandi

It’s a good thing Maniacal Jenn reminded me it was our turn because let me say, I’ve had a week. My dogs ate brownies (if you don’t have dogs you don’t know that it’s a bad thing), then one of my dogs snagged her dew claw on something and all I can say is bloody paw print on my kitchen counter. All of this required medical attention. Thank goodness Ethan’s sister is a vet tech. Then it rained for 2 days which meant no outside play. The toddler is all about outside play. We also dis-enrolled from the toddler gym class cuz the teacher was a big fat meany. To add to that, I’m planning a two year old’s birthday party for family and friends, followed by a playgroup party here at the house a week later. The whole birthday thing leads me/us to the topic for our blog (my pick again—and a surprise to Ethan until I hand him the laptop). Ryan turns 2 on Nov. 1 and that has really got me to thinking back about the last two years so I thought I would share some memories. Once its his turn, Ethan is not allowed to say I stole any of his memories.

*The first time I saw Ethan hold his son
*Even though Ethan was adamant we would never have a child in our bed, the first night in the hospital he wouldn’t let Ryan sleep in the bassinette, even though we were both inches away. He kept saying “he’s so small.” Same thing happened when we got home.
*Claiming to not know where the baby stuff was, Ethan used dish towels as bibs and blankets
*Friday nights: for a few months, Ethan would take Ryan and sleep on the couch. This meant I got the room to myself, and I could sleep! Those short months were the only time I got more than 2hrs of consecutive sleep in a year. As far as my memory goes back, it’s the only time my head hit the pillow and I fell right to sleep.
*The first time Ethan took Ryan out of the house alone
*Ryan crawling on the 4th of July
*How great Ryan was in the car
*When Ryan started napping on his own (5 months old)
*Trying to remember if I brushed my teeth
*Being so tired that I didn’t even care that Ethan was watching UFC
*When Ryan crawled over to my mom’s couch and pulled up like he had been doing it forever
*His drooly smile
*When Ethan and I went to see “Walk the Line” and had dinner—it was our first time out and even though Ryan was with my mom, I was so nervous
*When Ryan had jaundice and Ethan couldn’t watch them draw blood from his foot so I had to be the strong mommy but I was dieing inside
*Ethan sitting at the computer with Ryan in his lap
*Going to the pumpkin patch when I was 9m pregnant and going back the next year with Ryan
*The look on Ryan’s face this morning when he saw his train table
*Ryan jumping on his trampoline
*The way Ryan smiles when his daddy comes home from work

Ethan

First off I can too complain that you stole some of my ideas…you should have had a list size limit. Here we go:

· A baby shower for me, at work, with all the girls going ooh and ahh while I opened gifts in front of them like blankets, socks, and bottles
· Man he was small, I am still impressed we have kept him alive this long
· Not knowing where the bibs or blankets were and using dish towels instead
· Trying to play video games on Friday nights while Bran slept and I rocked him in his seat with my foot
· Nikki (dog) sleeping outside his door while he slept
· Nikki also just hiding under our bed whenever he was crying
· Falling asleep on the couch with him asleep on my chest
· Ryan running up to every dog he sees to pet them
· The first time I saw him run full speed into his ball pit and he tumbled in laughing the whole way
· Ryan getting excited and saying, “Oh wooow” and “Oh yeah yeah yeah” every time he sees a truck or tractor
· Walking to the community park every Saturday morning while Bran sleeps in and going for a cold 7AM swim with the boy
· Walking downstairs every morning he runs to the window points at my truck and gets excited, watches when I leave for work, and then when I get home he has to go play in the truck or else.
· The smile on his face when he “gives mommy loves” at night

So there you go. Let’s hope I can keep it together this year because at his first birthday I had to fight back tears when we sang “Happy Birthday.”

Get A Clue!

This week's (late) edition of DSMS will be told solely from Jen's point of view due to her 'condition'. John's version will be open for discussion at a, um, later date (when Jen's calendar frees up).

Last week I wrote to tell you all about this.

Then, this past Friday night played out as follows:
"Let's go!" I yell from the open garage door into the kitchen where he's standing casually choppin' it up with my folks. (Hint: clue #1)
"Man, are you rude!" he remarks as he buckles his seatbelt while I peel out of the driveway.
I look over my shoulder and nonchalantly reply, "Uh-huh."
He gives me the once over. "What's wrong with you?" he begins. "Ever since we got home you've been buzzing around barking orders and all. It's like being in the military, and here I am looking forward to...Whoa!" he almost screams, "Jen! WTF! You just went through a red light!"
"It was a yellow when I entered the intersection." I reply not even breaking a sweat. (Hint: clue #2)
He double checks his seatbelt. And then, "Seriously, dude. You've gotta chill out. We're on a date night. We're s'posed to be taking our time and enjoying the evening." "We're...yeeeowwwww!" he yells as I squeeze us between two big rigs in order to pass a barely-moving car in front of us.
"Jen! Are you even listening to me?"
I'm not actually, I'm focusing on the road trying not to get us killed, all the while focusing on just one thought.
"Hey!" he yells again. "What's going on with you? It's like you've got blinders on. You haven't acknowledged a thing I've said, and you're driving like a maniac. Look," he waves his hand sarcastically out the window, "those are traffic lights, and there are other people on the road besides us, y'know. Get a clue already!"
It took all my willpower not to pull over and kick his ass to the curb. But there was something within me burning stronger -- a void that needed immediate filling. Still, though, something had to be said. I just couldn't take it anymore.
"We were supposed to be out of the house way before seven o'clock but you had to schmooze it up with my folks. Now it's 7:15 and we're nowhere even near where we're supposed to be!"
He looks at me blankly as if I've just spoken in a foreign language.
*sigh* "I'M CRANKY. I'VE HAD A LOOOONG WEEK. I'M PMS-ing. AND MY BOOBS HURT!!!!!!" (Hint: clue #3)
And then, like the mathematician studying a formula; like the monkey in a test group; like a moth to a flame (burned by the fire) -- it dawns on him.
"Honey?" he begins.
I glare at him once again, doing 50 in a 35.
"Are you hungry?" he finishes.
"What gave you a fuckin' clue, Genius???!"